i miss you...

don't really know WHO i miss....

i mean, there are a lot of people that go in and out of my life, and i guess i miss them for brief intervals , but today's post is about the people that i end up missing so much my heart hurts and I feel like i'm being torn into pieces.

sigh. emo much? this is what comes out of me waking up at 8am >.<

i miss my mother. what i mean by that is i miss my birth mother, even though I've never met her before (or atleast I don't remember meeting her). i wish that I could sit and talk to her. not yell or anything just talk and be able to do that whole mom-daughter thing sigh

i miss my other mother. the FIRST lady that adopted me. She died when i was little and I do remember her. She was so nice and gentle and i really really do miss her. i just wish I could see her one last time so I could see her smile at me.

i miss david. ugh. never thought i'd live the day to see myself say that again. I don't particularly miss him physically. Knowing someone for so long and being so close to them and being betrayed by them kinda makes you wake up and wonder what the fuck is so wrong with you that they felt the need to hurt you. but then, it makes you wonder, when they changed so much when they were no longer afraid to hurt you, but afraid to get in trouble by you. so i guess, i miss the old him. the him that actually cared.

I miss my best friend Felesha. seeing her every fucking day for six years (summers not included) would have driven most friends apart, but felesha and I have been together through think and then, and we're going on 8 years of drive-you-crazy-friendship. The only thing is, we're so busy with life that we've drifted apart physically. it sucks because she's the one person that's always supported me whole-heartedly and she's the one person that I love above everyone else in this world.

Most of all, I miss myself. It kinda really sucks to miss yourself and you're right there. if that makes any sense xDD Iunno, i just feel like, somewhere between the boyfriend drama, the best friend drama, school, maturing and all that jazz, I've lost myself, and I can only see myself through a distorted looking-glass. that really sucks, especially since I've always hated fun houses. lol.

anyways, I just needed to write down my emotions before I exploded.

later days dust mites and gremlins ^_^